no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
