I am spending my child support on dildos
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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