Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
