Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He felt like a one man threesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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