I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
