Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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