weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize