Pants 0. Shit 1.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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