Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
