somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
