She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
