I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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