then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
