Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
