i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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