totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
