Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize