I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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