i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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