Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
