I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize