Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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