it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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