Those balls look pretty dangerous.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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