I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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