i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
