Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
