I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
