just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
