I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
