So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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