youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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