I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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