if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
