I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
