im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
