I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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