So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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