Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
