after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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