Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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