On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
