I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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