hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
