Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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