I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
