We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
