I want to walk on stilts...naked
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
