I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
