I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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