my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
