It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
