i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
