he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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