I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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