yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
