i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
