stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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