My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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