Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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