My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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