were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
