You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
