I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
