do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
