I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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