a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
