your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
