I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
