I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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