Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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