my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
