you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
