I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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